This question is one of the all-time most asked questions I get. So Isaac and I thought we would dig in and cover this topic in today’s PODCAST @CourageousParenting!
We are covering reasons “Why Men Struggle to Lead Their Families Spiritually” and how wives can encourage their husbands! In this post, I am going to focus more on practical ways that wives can encourage their husbands to lead spiritually, but first I want to highlight the reasons that men struggle with leading that actually have to do with the wife.
Reasons Men Struggle to Lead Because of their Wife
The wife has a personality that is more of a take-charge personality whereas the husband is more passive.
The husband is intimidated to lead his wife because he knows that she is more biblically knowledgeable.
The wife just does it already so the husband thinks there is no need for him to read the Bible to the kids.
The wife doesn’t follow his leadership in other aspects of their marriage or family life.
The wife has corrected him in front of the kids and it has discouraged him.
He doesn’t feel qualified and his wife reminds him of that regularly, making him feel like he isn’t able to teach her.
The wife doesn’t show an interest in being led by her husband and goes to the pastor or Google instead.
Their wife doesn’t help them to have time to study the Word but instead keeps them busy in the family schedule.
The wife doesn’t show respect for her husband in front of the kids so he doesn’t have confidence.
There are many other reasons why men struggle to lead their families like they didn’t have a biblical example in a father when they were growing up, or they weren’t raised Christian, for example. And we cover MANY more in the podcast today, but for this post, I am going to focus on these reasons.
Ways Wives Can Encourage Their Husband to Lead Spiritually
Exercise self-control if you have a vocal personality and give your husband the opportunity to talk, think, teach, and share. Value who God made your husband and be challenged to grow in being considerate in a good listener.
It doesn’t matter that you have a Bible degree or were a theology major, God chose your husband to be the head of your (both of your) household. Your job is to build him up and encourage him to be the man God made him to be. Show your husband that you respect his opinion about the Bible and that you believe he has important things to say by asking him questions. And don’t make him feel bad if he doesn’t know the answer. Let him feel confident about taking the time to figure out the answer.
Now, I am NOT saying that you shouldn’t teach your kids the Bible. YOU SHOULD! And you can throughout the day, every day! But share with him your desire to see him leading the family in Family Bible Time, for example. You can never get too much Bible and Jesus, Amen?
Are you good at following your husband’s leadership in other aspects of marriage? Or do you wear the pants in the family? There is nothing more sad to me than a man who is sad because his wife bulldozes him. Even if you have a better idea about something, choose to follow his lead and verbally respect him in front of the kids.
Have you put “pastors” or “teachers” with a platform on a pedestal? If so, you are in SIN and need to STOP it. And you need to repent and apologize to your husband. Your husband IS qualified… by God. Do you have an arrogant attitude because you are reading and growing a TON? I am not saying to stop growing, what I am saying is, take a humble pill and stop thinking more highly of yourself because you have listened to X, Y, and Z’s podcasts and read A, B, and Cs books.
I mentioned this before in a previous point, that you should ask your husband questions, but I need to point out that your pastor is NOT your husband and NOT your head. Your husband is. And you should be asking him. If you do, you will eventually see your husband light up and begin searching for answers. I know you have questions. Ash your husband.
Now, this is a BIG one. Many women want their husbands to lead spiritually, but they don’t give them time to study the Word of God. Let’s just be realistic for a moment. If you work from home or you are a stay at home mom, you ESPECIALLY need to heed this WARNING. You are in charge of your schedule while your husband is working hard to bring home the bacon. You can listen to sermons online and podcasts while you are cleaning and doing dishes. And I hope you are! BUT, realize that while you get an hour to 4 hours of spiritual nourishment a day/week, your husband can’t listen while he is at work. Now, maybe he can and just isn’t, my point is that we all need to have grace with our husbands and be honestly realistic about how much time they actually have to grow spiritually. Take to them about it. Ask them if they would appreciate time to study the Bible, and then GIVE THEM THE TIME! It’s UNFAIR to expect them to lead spiritually and then not give them time to prepare.
Listen, if you put your husband down ever, but especially in front of the kids, I need to scold you now. Courageous Wives do NOT bad mouth their husbands. Biblical women don’t talk bad or vicious about ANYONE… EVER. Bridle your tongue. Use it for good, not evil, woman.
Ok. That was a bit intense but there you go.
Why Should a Wife Encourage Her Husband to Lead Spiritually?
- Leave a Legacy of Spiritual Leaders
Your children are watching your marriage and trying to figure out how they should act and be when they are older and married.
Your daughters need to know what to look for in a spiritual leader, which is what they are getting when they get married. You and your husband should want your daughters to marry a man that understands that is one of his roles in marriage and fatherhood. Your daughters also need a biblical example of how to be a biblical wife who supports and encourages her husband.
Your sons need a model of what they should strive to be and do! And they likewise, need an example of what kind of wife to look for.
- The Bible says so and we should want to obey God.
Because the Bible has given this position of leadership in your family to your husband and we women of God should desire to see our husbands living up to their potential and growing in this area of spiritual leadership.
Pray for Your Husband
We cannot overlook the obvious but powerful influence and the impact that prayer has in our husbands’ lives. Keep praying for them, pray for God to show you ways to encourage your husband, and watch the Spirit move.
I hope you are encouraged by the podcast and our story as we share bits and pieces in relation to this topic. I certainly haven’t always built up my husband over the years, but I sure have tried and I can honestly say that if you are faithful to encourage your husband to lead and pray for him daily, God can do amazing things.