In the past 5 years there has been an increase of people waiting until they are over 12-18 weeks to announce their pregnancy. In fact, our announcement of our latest pregnancy was even met with some interesting responses after people would ask how far along I was.
While I think this is a personal decision for each couple and it isn’t an eternal issue, I want to share four reasons why we chose to share our news within a week or so of finding out, regardless of what stage of growth our baby is in.
- We believe that regardless how far along the pregnancy is, a baby is a baby. It doesn’t become a baby at 12 or 18 weeks, we believe life begins at conception. This is an opportunity to be a light, witnessing to the world that a baby is life worth celebrating even at the size of a pea!
- Many people choose to wait until they know the baby is “going to make it.” This is why this topic can be so sensitive. Many women have struggled with loss, or fear the loss of their baby, and the thought of having to announce the loss of a baby is something they don’t even want to fathom. Our personal perspective is that IF the baby didn’t make it, we would want those we love to walk with us through that loss, praying for us and the whole family. We do not want to allow any fear to steal our joy of celebrating the life God has created, even if it is for a small amount of time. BUT, this is where we are at personally. And for those who have experienced loss, everyone grieves in their own way, there is not a right way or wrong way. For those who want to grieve privately, I can completely respect that and understand why. We all need to be careful not to push or impress our agendas on others and understand that we are all on our own journey spiritually, but that we all have our own ways of dealing with grief.
I have written this post because I do think that we need to respect one another’s decision to wait or to share, but also ask ourselves the hard question: WHY? Why is that you want to wait to announce your pregnancy? Is it because you have allowed a worldly perspective of the growth of a baby to impress upon you that your baby isn’t a baby until you are out of the first trimester? Are you full of fear? Because if you are fearful, I would urge to at least share with someone, and be honest about your fear, because fear is not from God. Or is it for a legitimate reason, like you are embracing who you are and are confident either way?
- We want to share with others, because we are just SO excited and want to give others the opportunity to rejoice with us.
- We share with others so that they can join us in prayer for the baby, and for our family. I tend to be pretty sick with each pregnancy. We covet all the prayer we can get because while every baby is a blessing, it is also a sacrifice for everyone in the family as mama isn’t feeling herself.
Personal Story of Waiting for Our 2nd Baby to Die
When I finally became pregnant with our second baby, it was a huge surprise. We had been trying for 18 months and struggled to get pregnant. Then I suffered through an emergency appendectomy. Before the surgery the hospital tested my blood to see if I was pregnant. The results came back negative and they proceeded treating me with CT scans, an MRI, and then finally the procedure with full anesthesia. Just after the surgery, my IV backed up on me and they couldn’t administer any more pain meds without my consent. By the time I woke up, I felt no real need for meds, so I declined morphine. Looking back, I see God’s hand watching over our little babe that we didn’t even know was there.
I was told that I would experience nausea for a few weeks and that it was normal. So, when I returned for my 6 week check-up, to be released for intimacy, I was still sick everyday, which they thought wasn’t normal. So they did an ultrasound, which revealed our sweet little baby boy! Shocked they asked if we had been intimate, which we hadn’t yet because of the surgery. After measuring the baby, they guesstimated that I was pregnant at the time of surgery but that the surgery had taken place within that ten day window before the egg embeds itself in the uterus lining. Thus, being undetected by blood tests because the baby had not yet been detectable by the blood stream.
Amazing. As I thought through the events of how this baby had come to be created by God, I couldn’t help but rejoice for how God so careful timed every aspect of this baby’s creation, down to the very day and hour! But that rejoicing was met with fear as the doctor tried to prepare us for loss. She was adamant that our baby wouldn’t make it. That he would abort naturally. She didn’t see much hope for a healthy pregnancy after everything my body had undergone.
I immediately felt the conflict of terror and joy in my soul. But ultimately, the fact that God had gone before so much of the circumstances led me to believe that we were going to experience one of God’s miracles.
There were days I struggled, I allowed the fear to consume me. And if it wasn’t for the friends I had shared this with and their encouragement during this season, I could have sunk into a deep depression, just waiting every day for my baby to die. What a burden for anyone to bear. But instead, my friends rejoiced with me in what God had done already and reminded me of that over and over again. They helped me to fight the battle in my mind by focusing on all the good God had done and that He was in control.
I realize looking back how this experience was a little bootcamp in trusting God. We all have many of them throughout life, don’t we. Our son Austin was born full term, and when he was three weeks old the doctors detected a whole in his heart, which by another miracle of God, healed and was determined an innocent heart murmur. I realize in hindsight how the bootcamp in trusting God through the first trimester prepared my heart to hold my child open handed to the Lord, acknowledging they were all gifts from Him and His anyway. This perspective really helped prepare me for the scare of the whole in his heart when he was a baby. It’s one of those experiences you would never want to relive, but you are also able to see God’s hand and Him gently leading and guiding you through it all.
During this season we experienced the power of prayer and faith, but we also experienced what true friendship was supposed to look like. Having close friends to lift us up during this season was crucial to my sanity. On the days when I wanted to curl up in a ball in fear, friends would bring over meals and hang out just to keep my spirits up.
So when did you announce you were pregnant? How far along are you? And when is your due date?
In this Journey Together,