The natural state of marriage is mediocrity
The natural state of parenting is mediocrity.
The wind blows strong against greatness which is why it takes cognitive, purposeful effort and leadership to have a great marriage and family.
The natural tendency is to put tons of purposeful effort into our careers and leadership roles and over time less and less effort into our wives and children. There’s a quote that has always stuck with me,
“Whatever you take for granted will disappear” unknown
(Not condoning divorce here at all!!! Not even alluding to it! The context for which I am using this quote is perfectly illustrated in this example: if you take good health for granted and you don’t take care of yourself… you will not stay “healthy”… it takes proactive work… it is the same in marriage and family relationships…)
The decay from poor leadership happens slowly, it’s very hard to see.
We don’t want to see it. We can say to ourselves, “family is good, I have a great marriage,” but if we are going the normal route trouble is coming ahead.
Too often due to this neglect the wife comes to resent the company, the business, the boss. They get jealous of their husbands best being used up outside of the home, rightfully so. They become intolerant of changes to the schedule or periods of extra workloads because the position has become the enemy.
This creates the normal reality; Business is tough on marriage.
It’s not usually the position, it’s poor leadership. It’s time that we Men step up in a major way and lead our families, be courageous visionary leaders who follow through to our wives.
The truth should be; Business is a catalyst for marriage success and Marriage is a catalyst for Business success.
Here are some of the Secrets to CHOOSING to Lead your Wife:
- Never promise unless you know you will deliver
- Be careful of giving a picture of a positive but unrealistic future
“If we sacrifice now I’ll only be working 20 hours a week in the future”
You will be called to the carpet on whatever you say and if your like me, you love to work too. Even if I could only work 20 hrs a week I would still work at least 40.
- Develop a track record of your Word being as good as Gold to your wife
In the moment don’t say what she wants to hear, but isn’t realistic.
Deal with it now and state the reality “Deal in Reality” -Jim Collins
- Share the glory. Tell your wife often that her support is a major contribution to the accomplishments. I email positive business reports to my wife telling her she helped accomplish this
- Date your wife regularly
- LEAD…Ask good questions that get below surface topics.
- Get beyond maintenance talkDecide business goals together Vs. announcing with exuberance what you are going to do
If you decided, you are also at fault when it’s challenging.
If you decide together, you both have a stake in the game, a willingness to go through the challenges together which yields support.
Discuss sacrifices that may be coming for taking on major projects and decide together if they are worth it.
–Visioneer together on all areas of life -with time frames that matter to you both (1yr, 2yr, 5yr, 10yr)
Rewards once hitting objectives
Friendships to Nourish/Community/Church
Decisions that need to be made
Systems that need to be improved
–Ask for a Critique
(This is the hardest one to do…CHOOSE GROWTH)
How am I doing as a Husband? How am I doing as a Father?
The overall message is, build with your wife by doing all you can to make her part of the process and the success. God made you partners so that together you can make a larger Impact on the world then apart. The question is, do you really believe that?
Choose Growth and Lead Well,