Do your children think and feel like you view them as a blessing?
Do you just delight in being around them and having a relationship with them?
Or do they feel like a burden?
“Then children were brought to him that he might lay his hands on them and pray. The disciples rebuked the people, but Jesus said, Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven. And he laid his hands on them and went away.” Matthew 19:13-15, ESV
Jesus’ tenderness towards children should be an inspiration to us. He valued them as much as any adult. Throughout Scripture, there are countless examples of God speaking to or using children to do His works (Samuel, David, Josiah, and even young Mary who was chosen to be the mother of our Savior).
Today many people view pregnancy as an ailment, childbirth as a curse, and children as a burden! I will be teaching on all three of these topics here on the blog at Courageous Mom shortly, but I wanted to start with our view of children.
Most of our culture in North America is willing to celebrate the life of a first born baby to a young mom and dad, but how about the fifth, seventh, or tenth?
Once you have more than three, that’s when you see all the haughty eyes and glares. People start making judgments about the parents and sadly what happens is that baby doesn’t get celebrated in quite the same way.
Have you ever heard the term “attitude reflects leadership?”
This is not just an American issue. Valuing life is a world-wide issue.
Some countries have limitations on how many children should be born to each family and fine those who have more, pushing the abortion rates out the roof. Other countries, who happen to see the value in the next generation, abuse them by recruiting and imprisoning them as child soldiers.
The abortion rates all over the world are shocking. I could go on and on about the countless ways our culture’s worldview is portrayed in movies, music, books, and media alone, but that would need to be a book by itself.
We are in a battle to view children the way God does.
We are in a battle to heal corrupted thinking and remind people of what life is really all about–eternity.
It is amazing to me how people will justify abortion by trying to make it seem the “holier” approach.
Our culture has stopped worshiping God and made an idol out of His creation–the world!
This world will pass away and we cannot take anything with us into eternity, but we can build treasures in heaven.
“And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.” 1 John 2:17
The world will tempt you to live for yourself, to invest in your future, and that you deserve a cushy life, but that road does not lead to true joy.
That road doesn’t build treasures in heaven.
The Lord is full of beauty and life and He alone sustains and gives life.
Many preachers use the scripture Luke 12:33-34 when they are preaching on tithing and giving. We have all heard this scripture many times,
“Sell your possessions, and give to the needy. Provide yourselves with money bags that do not grow old, with a treasure in the heavens that does not fail, where no thief approaches and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” ESV
Recently it dawned on me, that this speaks loudly to the eternal inheritance that children are.
It’s not just about choosing between a nice vacation or tithing and supporting missions!
This verse also speaks loudly to investing all we have in the things that matter most. And yes, missions is on that list and so is supporting the ministry of the church, but I believe my greatest opportunity for impact both in this world now, generationally, and eternally is by investing in loving and raising my children!
For many years we had opportunities to travel abroad and dine with the finest. We have been more than blessed on many occasions. But throughout our marriage, we also had to turn down many of those opportunities due to pregnancy or simply the need to stay home and care for our children.
Honestly, there were times when I was jealous and REALLY wanted to go!
Instead of being thankful for the trips we had gotten to go on, I would be thinking, “man… it isn’t fair… I’m here sicker than a dog because I’m prego, while they are all sitting on a beach somewhere hot having people serve them every meal.”
There were times when we would get to go on the trip and I relished in the break and pampering. We would talk to others who weren’t having children so they could travel, and to be honest I struggled with comparing and thinking, if only!
Then when I came home to a full house of busy little munchkins squealing mommy’s home!
I realized in that moment that all those other couples that were investing their money on traveling weregoing home to empty houses. Yes, my life included sleepless nights, lots of laundry, and dishes, but in all of that, I saw God’s eternal blessing of family.
We truly saw our family as our greatest investment. The culture tempts us to compare, to want, to desire what we don’t have, but what if you couldn’t have children? Would you be willing to sacrifice it all?
The gift of children is comparable to none on earth.
This world need to be humbled and see what a gift and blessing that children are!
THEN we need to have an attitude and perspective check regarding the journey toward receiving these gifts!
We live in an opinion war, where everyone says and wants what feels good, or is most convenient, rather than looking for God’s purposes and lessons to be learned through the life experience of becoming a parent!
The reality is that even in today’s church the culture’s view of children, pregnancy, and childbirth has seeped in and corrupted our way of thinking to some degree.
I would like to challenge your thinking for a moment.
Do you think you will have that same support if you are pregnant with your fourth or your tenth? Will your friends still throw you a baby shower when you are expecting your fourth son?
The real reason behind having a baby shower should be to celebrate the life of another child, not just to give gifts.
If we truly see children as a blessing and a gift from God, shouldn’t the excitement be the same for the first and the fifteenth? I mean honestly, fertility is a gift! Those who struggle with infertility don’t understand the attitude issues women in society have over being pregnant today. And when a woman carries a baby full term in her thirties, forties, or fifties we should be celebrating with her. We should rejoice at the gift of life, regardless how old the mother or how many children she has.
Do you see how perspective changes one’s view of reality?
You see, I never really noticed this “influence” by the world, until we were expecting our fifth baby. A little at four, but the comments and disapproving stares really didn’t become apparent until I was pregnant with our fifth. And some of you may have even had similar experiences simply being pregnant with your third. Times are changing and the average sized family in America is now somewhere around 1.4.
Are children less of a blessing today than they were in Biblical days? Certainly not.
If we spent more of our time focused on the long-term eternal blessing that children are, and less about the earthly costs, our perspective would be drastically different!
A little story in the shoes of a family of eight:
Have you ever gone through a season where you have had to “church shop?” I can’t stand that terminology, but really there is no better description for it. I am not proud to say we have had a few of those seasons for differing reasons. In 2012 we were in such a season for about 14 months. During that time we visited around 18 churches. When you visit that many churches with six children you have all kinds of experiences!
Sadly, that was when I realized more than ever before, how the culture had influenced the Church’s view of children. My husband and I would try to make light of it by even walking into a service separately with only 3 kids each to see the difference in reaction. Outstanding… is all I can say. The greeters didn’t recognize us the next week when we walked in with six. Their facial expressions said it all.
This may seem unfair of me to be pointing out. I don’t think everyone should have 6 kids, or ten kids, or even 2 kids.
God has a different plan and design for every family.
What I am saying is that we need to be careful not to allow the world to influence us, our opinions, or our decisions on anything, especially how we view children AND we need to be careful how we influence others in their thinking as well.
I would never tell anyone they should have a certain amount of children, just because I did. That is absurd.
What I would advise a younger sister in the Lord, is to pray about each decision and each baby and not make any decisions unless in complete alignment with her husband.
These kinds of decisions are not for any of us to influence, except with regard to giving wise counsel to simply seek God’s unique design and will. It’s really that simple.
The problem lies when people give their advice based upon what justifies what they have done or when their advice is formed from a secular world view and not a biblical worldview.
Be careful not to lead others astray from God’s counsel in the Bible. He warns us in James 3:1 that those that teach will be held to a higher standard of judgment.
Why do I share these stories with you? I hope they don’t discourage you from having a large family; because we have truly seen such good fruit and change in our lives and hearts. It’s not always easy, but it is SO worth it!
I share these stories to impress upon you and awaken you to be more sensitive to the attitudes that have seeped into the church. Do we intentionally make these larger families feel comfortable or uncomfortable in our churches today? Or do we treat them like outcasts? The truth is that all children are a blessing.
What about those who are infertile or seeking to adopt? Do we make them feel uncomfortable or do we love them and engage them equally as well?
We need to focus on edifying and building one another up. We need to strive to encourage, support, and empower one another to be living in alignment with God’s will for our lives, whatever that is to look like, and it may not look the same for everyone! Amen?!
How do we do that? Well, I think it takes being honest about our opinions and perspectives on these things and examining them in light, held up to the light of God’s word. This is something we all have to do on our own.
Then if we find we have a hardened attitude towards something that God says is a blessing, we need to ask Him to transform our minds {Romans 12}.
It is easy to say we believe something, like, children are a blessing, but it is another to actually walk it out and truly view them that way.
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For more encouragement on the topic of children, visit our NEW ministry CourageousParenting.com and listen to our PODCAST on REASONS WHY COUPLES DON’T WANT MORE KIDS!