I was recently inspired to blog about the whole “Socialization” controversy that tends to “attack” home schooling families. Its always funny to me when I get asked why we home school? I have to laugh because if you have homeschooled for any amount of time at all… boy… that question is opening a whole can of worms… isn’t it! It is not a simple answer, at all.
So to start of this concise opinion on socialization here is my disclaimer: Remember this is merely my opinion, based on observation, experience, research, and reading but still just my opinion.
Here’s the definition of Socialization from Dictionary.com:
so·cial·i·za·tion
1. a continuing process whereby an individual acquires a personal identity and learns the norms, values, behavior, and social skills appropriate to his or her social position.
There it is folks!
The clear definition of socialization leads me to the conclusion that I do not want my children to be conformed to the pattern of the “Oregon, liberal, public educational system, the government, or the western adulterous culture,” but rather transformed by the renewing of their mind. Then they will be able to test and approve what God’s will is-his good, pleasing and perfect will.” Rom 12.
You get asked a lot of questions as a homeschooler.
Sometimes those questions are not really inquisitive, but rather argumentative as if they believe they are exposing some angle of thought we haven’t yet realized or debated ourselves.
Socialization is one of those issues. When we first began homeschooling people often asked, “What about socialization?”
I used to get offended. I mean come on, of course, I have debated that issue in my head! I’m not naive, and I have most definitely looked at every advantage and disadvantage regarding education choices, trust me! In fact, to be perfectly honest, I never was excited about the idea of homeschooling and never saw myself as a teacher when I started this journey 13 years ago. Instead, I was looking for every disadvantage in hopes of talking myself out of jumping on the band wagon. But the more I researched, the more convicted I became that this was the right road for our family.
In fact, to be perfectly honest, at first I was never was excited about the idea of homeschooling and never saw myself as a teacher when I started this journey with my first who is now 17. Instead, I was looking for every disadvantage in hopes of talking myself out of jumping on the band wagon. But the more I researched, the more convicted I became that this was the right road for our family.
I ask them if they have ever seen a room full of public schooled 11-year-olds? I hope and pray my daughter doesn’t acquire her personal identity and learn the norms, values, & behavior and social skills deemed normal in that environment!
Problems with the Socialization Argument:
- AGE SEGREGATION
When in a discussion about socialization, I like to ask this question: “Do you only have friends that are 29 or 35(whatever your age is)?
Do you only work with people your age?”
Of course not, in my opinion, segregation of ages in schools is not preparing the children for the real world in regards to socialization. If the school is “socially preparing children for the real world” then how come seniors make fun of and ignore the freshman? How come the 6th graders won’t play with the 3rd graders? In the real world, the Montessori Method of age integration is much healthier for preparing children to work with all kinds of people of different ages and be able to adapt to work with different levels of learners as well as people. - INDOCTRINATION & PEER INFLUENCE:
Schools do indoctrinate our children and peers do influence them as well. I fully admit I am indoctrinating and influencing my children… oh yes, and by God’s good graces… hopefully, they will grow up to be like-minded brothers and sister in Christ. - THE SOCIALLY AWKWARD HOMESCHOOLER
AREN’T YOU WORRIED THEY WILL BE SOCIALLY AWKWARD?
Don’t you want them to be able to have conversations with people in the real world?My rebuttal: First of all, are you weird and socially awkward? Because your kids will be socialized to you.I know Isaac and I are a bit abnormal, but I think in good ways! I have no problem speaking with people, so if I am training my children, they won’t either.Secondly, The home schooled children I know are the most well adjusted and capable of having conversations with any age (not just their own given age). They are the most respectful too I might add.It is all too common even amongst private schooled children, for children to disrespect authority or elders. If I might be bold enough to say, it is rare to find schooled children who can make eye contact with another adult and engage them in conversation because they honestly want to. This has not been my experience in the home school community.To end this rebuttal, the only thing odd about my children is that they can have a conversation with anyone of any age. Since I know I am not the only who notices that 12-year-olds have difficulty even “caring” to talk to their friend’s moms… I have an opposing question to ask… is “not being awkward” to mean they should have a bad attitude? Or that if they can play with a 5-year-old there must be something wrong with them?While I firmly believe that respect for authority can be taught to children in school as well, because it is a reflection parents caring to teach it, clearly children are impressionable and are greatly influenced 30-40 hours per week while with peers (which is the bulk of their awake hours). You have to teach and train your children diligently so that they are not given to selfishness and disrespect doesn’t become bound up in their hearts. Parents must confront the hard issues over and over again.
Not all home schooling families do this either. But this is why socialization by a school environment doesn’t work for our family! - HOW WILL THEY BE PREPARED FOR THE REAL WORLD.
Don’t you want your kids to fit in the world?This question to me says: Don’t you want your kids to look like the rest of the kids out there– for them to be normal?My CONFIDENT answer: NO! All I can think of when I hear this question is God preaching Romans 12 to me. So NO, I will not intentionally try to mold my children to be like the world in any way shape or form. Trying to mold them to be like the ungodly would be disobedient to the Bible.I do not want my children to be like everyone else. I do not want my children to act like, look like, or reflect ANY of the beliefs or attitudes of the kids I see in public education.I am not impressed by the fruit I am seeing in the Jr. Highs or the High Schools for that matter {there are those occasions when I meet a young person who impresses me, but honestly… it is not the majority}. I pray they don’t turn out like the rest of the world. I think all of us parents would think this if we looked at the world through our “Father’s eyes.”
Socialization is often called peer education. Who they spend their time with WILL impact them and even potentially set the trajectory for the rest of their life.
“He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.” Proverbs 13:20
If socialization, by definition, trains and teaches children their social status, then yes, I am against socializing them to the worldly, who are often the same age and lacking wisdom.
I want my children to dream, to think big, to focus on learning God’s will for their life and pursuing Him in obedience!
If the social status labeled to my child by other immature, self-focused peers is the main cause and effect of socialization, I think I will opt out for now.
While my children are young I think I will let them dream, be creative, and focus on knowing the Word of God regarding where their identity is. When they are older they will have enough challenges with remembering who their identity should be found in. I know this personally.
I am socializing my children to one another, our family, and other like-minded people who live with integrity and biblical conviction. I sure hope they pick up some of that influence.
Socialization is not a problem, we got it under control, with plenty of the right kind!
Then once each child reaches a level of maturity (which we have a few there now) in their faith and convictions, equipped to stand against 15 peers/colleagues opposing them and putting limitations on them they may have a better chance of standing strong and confident.
Ultimately, every family needs to really evaluate what works for their family and what God’s path is for them. We have to be people of conviction, not to argue and fight, but because our convictions influence our actions.
