Dear Friend,
I know you get it when I say motherhood is sanctifying. Right now you are probably thinking, Amen sister.
We moms share things in conversations and on social media about the hardships and tests we experience in this journey of motherhood. As Christian moms, we desire to learn and grow from our mistakes, right?
Well here is an ugly truth about myself that maybe you can relate to, or maybe you can’t?
I am not a sympathetic mother.
Maybe you are a saint and you lovingly cuddle each of your children, serving them with a gentle and quiet spirit, just like all those perfect moms in the movies do, but taking the time to SHOW sympathy and care motivated by compassion has been ONE OF THE hands-down, biggest challenges for me.
In the moments directly following a missed opportunity when sympathy was needed, or when I was too rushed to give that gentle touch or speak that soft kind word, I immediately regretted it! Immediately!
As of late, I have been tested in my patience and in my ability to offer and show unconditional kindness, sympathy, selflessness, gentleness, self-control, and many more qualities, or fruits of the Holy Spirit.
You know how I was tested? My family all got sick…again.
Let me begin by saying when I was a first-time mom I was a helicopter mom. I hovered FOR SURE! I was always there to catch her, always there to hug her, kiss her boo-boo, and read 4-5 books, plus the Bible EVERY nap and night time as the routine before bed. When she got sick I would even set up camp in her room or bring her to mine just so I could make sure she was breathing. I didn’t sleep at all! Every head-bonk or injury was over-dramatized even to the point of taking her to the ER. I was a NERVOUS mom with no confidence in my parenting and thought I had to do it all! And I was good at empathizing. I would scratch her back like my great grandma did for me, I would sing to her, rock her, and cuddle as long as she needed.
No fast forward seven children and 17 years down the journey of parenting. Things have changed slightly, to say the least.
I have changed.
In some regards, I am better for it and so are my children, but in some regards, I have become less nurturing and empathetic.
I have known this about myself for a while, I didn’t like this change I saw in myself because I didn’t want my children to go without being nurtured in their relationship with me.
But the truth is, now, when someone gets sick instead of having a clean heart and gentle attitude willing to serve, I think to myself, “Oh man! This is JUST PERFECT! {pun intended} Why NOW!” And then a million things come to mind about how inconvenient the timing is, but truthfully there would never be a convenient timing.
The truth is, when we get a sickness, it doesn’t take more than a few hours or days for me to get annoyed by whining, or begin exhibiting a selfish incompassionate and unsympathetic attitude.
I’m going to share a brief part of my journal with you from a week ago when this whole flu bug captured our kids and held us hostage for over a week. Maybe you can relate?
“Father, why sickness again?
I am so tired. I’ve been working so hard, and now this? We just got over a cold that rendered three of the kids in quarantine for a week, now after only 3 good days, we are sick again? Lord PLEASE heal their bodies so that we can live our life in service to You!
{I sat reflecting for a few minutes and almost fell asleep.}
Lord, I know you are allowing me to walk through this because you love me and care about my character. Would you help me to see what part of my flesh needs to be refined by Your hands? I just want to serve You Lord, but it’s 3:23 in the morning! Give me your supernatural strength to care for these kids and Lord Jesus, help me not to sin.”
Have you ever prayed a prayer like that?
Well, I have many times and this time God revealed my lack of sympathy to me in a different light and I am now working hard to execute change and let God change my heart and perspective because that’s really what has to happen.
This past three weeks our family has had two different colds, preventing us from going to all kinds of activities, resulting in a messy house, the kids becoming way behind in school, and of course.. a tired mama. All of these circumstances are, in light of eternity, not really that important.
What IS important though is that my family is loved, nurtured, cared for, and that when they grow up and look back on their childhood, what they remember is an example of a mom selflessly serving ESPECIALLY when it gets tough. I’m not expecting perfection from myself by any means and I am not trying to impose that on you either. All I am saying is that we need to examine our attitudes as moms in all kinds of circumstances, recognize that when life is hard we have an opportunity to BRING HIM GLORY by how we respond to challenges.
So I went to the Word of God, asking Him to reveal to me how I should be responding to my children.
5 Verses on Compassion & Sympathy
So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; Colossians 3:12
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ. 2 Corinthians 1:3-5
To sum up, all of you be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit; 1 Peter 3:8
Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Romans 12:15
If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person? 1 John 3:17
That is SUPER convicting right?!
As a mom, when I look into the word of God, doing a simple word study on compassion, I can’t help but see SO much room for improvement for myself. On one hand, that can be overwhelming and I could easily allow the lies of the enemy to influence my view of myself potentially entrapping me in a bondage that has negative effects on all my relationships OR I can look at these verses, journal where I can improve and ask God to change and mold me and ultimately rejoice that there is so much room for improvement and that always means GROWTH!
I want to encourage you to do the later!
If, as believers, we are to live in and by the power of the Holy Spirit, it should be first reflected in the most foundational relationships we have, the ones we often take for granted but have the most opportunity for influence. Remember that as a mom, more is caught than taught, and you are leaving a legacy. What will it be?
Here are 3 Key Questions I have asked myself to reflect on. I hope they bless you!
- Will your children be kind, compassionate, gentle, and nurturing to their children?
- Do you portray what it looks like to live by the Spirit?
- Do you model what you expect and teach your children regarding your attitude?
Father, Would you please help us to keep our eyes on You and seek to live our days like Your Son Jesus? We want to love our children like Jesus would. We want to show them compassion and be sympathetic, but sometimes we are just SO tired and can’t find it in us to be servant-hearted. In those moments, might we rely on your power to be Jesus to them. Might we lean more into you. We recognize we cannot do any good in our own flesh and we ask that Your Spirit would rule our hearts and direct our actions. Might our children be led to you by how we live and love them. Amen.
On a more practical note, if you would like to see what I keep in my medicine cabinet, here are two of my most popular posts on health care for Dr. Mom.
