There are many times in our life where God requires us to take a leap of faith.
Choosing to have another child, for example, is an especially large leap for some. As Christians, we are called to submit our will to God in obedience, through faith and trust in Him. Many say it isn’t clear what obedience to God looks like. And while God has a beautifully unique and different design for every family, there is truth in His Word regarding how we should view children and that we should guard our hearts and minds against being influenced by the world’s perspective. The world says children are a burden, God’s word says children are a blessing.
“Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth.” Psalm 127:3-4, KJV
Many say it isn’t clear what obedience to God looks like. And while God has a beautifully unique and different design for every family, there is truth in His Word regarding how we should view children and that we should guard our hearts and minds against being influenced by the world’s perspective.
The only true way to determine what God’s will is for your womb is to consider all the pros and cons running through your mind and filter them through the word of God, apply an ample amount of prayer, and walk in obedience to what you and your husband believe God is calling you to.
If we want to be Christians who live what we say we believe, then every decision we make in life should be not only influenced by the Word of God but dictated by it.
You must always make sure that fear, lack of support, lack of vision, lack of submission, or selfishness are never at the heart of your decisions. Here is why.
5 Reasons Many Women Don’t Want to Have Another Baby
- Fear is a gripping force that produces faithless decisions and a joyless life.
-Financial Fears & Stresses
-Fear of Death
-Fear of Postpartum Depression
-Fear of being able to handle more
-Fear of pain or danger to healthA prominent cause of fear toward receiving more children is money. What about clothes, food, a bigger house, bigger car, health insurance, medical bills, sports, fun activities, and that family vacation you’ve been dreaming of? Everything is more expensive when you have a lot of children. It’s true. But you know what? I am sure you would agree, your potential sons and daughters lives are worth far more to God than extra cash.As Christians, we are called to build treasures in Heaven. You cannot take anything material with you to heaven but souls… those are eternal. If God chooses to bless you with another child, you can trust that He will provide the necessary funds.Another fear women struggle with is the fear of death, bad health, pain in childbirth, etc… I understand this fear of the unknown all too well and I talk about it and lead women through what the Bible says on these topics in relation to childbearing in my book Redeeming Childbirth: Experiencing His Presence in Pregnancy, Labor, Birth, and Beyond.
All of these fears are real, for all of us at some point or another. But what does God’s Word say about fear? {John 14:21; Joshua 1:9; Matt. 6:34; Isa.43:1; Ps. 23:4; Romans 8:38-39; 1 Peter 5:6-7; 2 Tim. 1:7}
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9
Now, real health concerns are serious. I don’t believe calls any of us to make foolish decisions. My point in this is to truly reflect and ask the Holy Spirit to reveal any areas where you are allowing FEAR to dictate your decisions in life and to surrender those under His leadership.
- Lack of Support is another huge factor, many women feel alone, even within their marriages. Pregnancy is hard, having a newborn is hard, parenting, in general, is hard. You need a support system, and your husband, as your God ordained teammate, should be your biggest support and partner. This doesn’t entitle you to expect too much, but it gives you the freedom to ask for help when you need it. Sometimes you just have to pursue the right friendships to create that support system, and ALL the time, you have to communicate with your husband.Having more children becomes an opportunity for growth in your marriage, just as much for your husband as for you. It is selflessness bootcamp for both of you. However, always remember that if the people of this world fail you, God is faithful.
- Vision. You have to remember why you are a mom, and why you choose life. It is so easy to become overwhelmed by the mundane, the monotony, the mess…Daily, you must choose to keep your focus on the reason for it all– your impact on the future generations. You are your children’s teacher, you are their mother. Do not cheapen your title by forgetting its power and purpose. After you die, what will the world remember you as? The woman who said no to God? Or the woman who had faith in her always faithful God? Ultimately, we need to remember that this life is NOT about you or me. We are here, in this generation for a reason. God has chosen us to raise up the next generation and that is a HUGE responsibility and honor. It’s one to not take lightly and to be proud of.When you are older and you look back on this season of your life, what will you think is your greatest accomplishment? Ministry outside or inside your home? What regrets do you foresee? When we have a vision for tomorrow, for ten or 100 years from now, our decisions look differently and we have fewer regrets later in life. When the end of your life meets you, will you wish you had spent more time discipling and knowing your children or building that company? Remember that leaving a Kingdom Focused Legacy, God’s legacy should be our mission.
- Refusing to submit to God’s will is never wise. But before you can submit to God, you must know God. Read the Bible, pray, be introspective. Submitting to God is often difficult, but it is the only way to truly live. And honestly, being a mother is not about you, it’s about your children, it’s about what God can do through you to influence their hearts so that one day they can be used by God to impact the world! Know God’s word, and obey it. Your body is not yours, do not separate your faith from your womb. God doesn’t limit His faithfulness to you.
- Selfishness is honestly the largest reason women don’t want a big family. Let’s be honest, your body is never quite the same after birthing a child, being a mother is stressful, tiring, time-consuming, and sometimes it feels like too much. But on the flipside, motherhood is also so fulfilling, freeing (from the bondage of selfishness), and let’s not forget fun! This is a journey, for you, your husband, and your children. Selflessness is not learned easily, and it is a painful lesson sometimes, but it is necessary. God refines us in many ways, motherhood is certainly sanctifying. (1 Tim. 2:15)
The childbearing season is a bootcamp for every woman. It’s one adventure God uses to sanctify you, but it is also what one must walk through in order to receive the fruit.
Courageous Mom Challenge:
- Make a list of pros and cons to having another child with your spouse.
- Inspect that list and be introspective.
- Pray about it, give God your heart, your concerns, your struggles, surrender it all before His throne.
- Read the bible, pray more, and determine whether you are being obedient and submissive to God, or if Fear, lack of support, lack of vision, lack of submission, or selfishness are the reason to your resistance.
We, women, can rationalize many things to convince ourselves that having another baby isn’t the best decision.
Trust me, I have struggled with those thoughts myself. You might desire to stay attractive to your husband, thinking you can’t possibly be attractive with a “MomBod.” I get it, as the years go by, pregnancy, nursing, and so forth can take its toll, BUT instead, we should look at this as an opportunity for growth in both our mind and in our discipline. I truly believe my children are what keep me healthy. They are my accountability, but they also keep me running!
Maybe you might be thinking that you can’t have another baby because you need to obey God’s call into church ministry or that you are pursuing your career? As an older sister in Christ, can I just tell you that motherhood is the best job to give your life to and it also happens to be your biggest opportunity for ministry! God doesn’t call us into another ministry at the cost of His design and plan for life within families. If you are truly called to this ministry or work, He will make a way for both to happen. And, it could be your idea of timing and season is just off. Here is my story of why I stepped out of 4 ministries to focus on family.
You may even think that having another child would make you a bad mother to your other children (which is not true). This is NOT the truth. It might require you to be more selfless, to grow in patience, to learn what it means to pace yourself, but all those things are good godly characteristics and God cares about growing our character!
The real delimna is, will you embrace growth when it gets hard? We all need to guard our minds, taking every thought captive and casting away those thoughts that will prevent us from living in God’s will. Be honest with yourself, be honest with your husband, and be honest with God.
Lastly, make sure that you are in alignment with your spouse. This decision is not to be taken lightly or decided by one person. God will bless your marriage as you, together, seek to come together and follow Him.
Father, Thank you for the honor and privilege of partnering with you in bringing forth life. We praise You for our children and acknowledge that You are the Creator. We desire to live out Your will for our lives, but we struggle sometimes with our fleshly desires. Help us to fully surrender all to You, our Lord and Savior. May You be glorified. Amen.
