What would you say or think if a friend of yours told you the fantastic news that she was expecting? Now, what if that friend already had 3 children? Or seven children? Or what if your friend doesn’t have a steady income? Would you honestly be happy for that friend?
What would you say or think if a friend was actually looking forward to childbirth? Would you think she was weird? Would you be open or even eager to understand where her heart is and how she got to this confident place spiritually, emotionally, and thoughtfully? Or what if a friend was scared of the unknown possibilities, what would you say? Would you add to her fear by expressing your fears and sharing horror stories or encourage her? How do you view childbirth? Do you view it as a curse? Is it a necessary evil one has to go through to get the blessing?
Have you ever heard the comments:
“I can’t wait to get this baby out!”
“If I didn’t have to be pregnant, I would have ten of them.”
“Kids change your life forever, are you REALLY ready for that?” [note the negative undertone and expression]
Or maybe this… “Well you are only 11 weeks along, we could still terminate. Have you thought about all your “options?”
Obviously, depending on your involvement in the culture, the community you surround yourself with, where you live, and even simply to whom your insurance assigns you to see in the health care profession will greatly change your experience. Many of you may not have experienced this first hand, and I honestly hope and pray for the day when people truly see the gift of life for what it is… a miracle. I pray for a day when blog posts like these are NOT needed. But the reality is, as the culture steps farther away from God, the more these attitudes will consume the norm in society.
Now tell me, what did these questions arise in you?
For some maybe defensiveness, guilt, or are you appalled and shocked that people would even say such things? Are you unaware that these attitudes even exist today? I sure opened a can of worms with this one, didn’t I.
I don’t want you to get the impression that I am this “holier-than-thou saint” that has never thought about the hardships of pregnancy or struggled with the fear of the unknown… or even the known of childbirth. Or that I haven’t ever complained during pregnancy or doubted myself and my ability to birth a child in the midst of it… because truth be told, I am HUMAN and have totally been there. Trust me, just ask my husband or any of my kids.
My intention isn’t to stir defensiveness, but to call to our attention the need for us as the church of today to be alert and aware as we live in the world. To choose not to be of it. My truest intention is to share a deep concern for the mental state of our culture and really the church {as a whole} with regard to our views on pregnancy, childbirth, and children. Because you see, I can not separate how we view children from our perspective on if we will receive them equally. Receiving them with regard to even how we treat those who have more children than “we” have chosen to, or for those who have adopted.
In Genesis 2, the Bible reads, and He blessed them and told them to be fruitful and multiply. The ability to procreate was a blessing. Childbirth was a very good part of God’s design before the Fall {Genesis 1:28-31}. All throughout scripture the Lord refers to children as a blessing, an eternal inheritance, and a gift. I will go more into this in the next post which I have created a moderate video to go with it.
Women all through scripture deeply yearned and desired to be “with child.” Today most are eagerly waiting, for many different reasons–but most of those reasons are from “counting the costs” of raising a child. It isn’t very common to hear of couples or women deeply desiring children {plural}. With the exception of those who are struggling with infertility. Most couples today have “their plan.” And children are not part of “their plan”… at least not now. When a young couple gets married the most common advice is to wait. Why is this?
You don’t typically hear a mother of three or four little ones talking in the church lobby about how she and her husband have been praying for another baby. And if you did, the most common reaction would be others saying “wow, good for you. I’m done. I can’t handle more.” As if they are doing it for brownie points or something. The comparison needs to stop.
Someone sharing their desire to have another baby is in NO way about you… but about what God has done in their heart to desire another blessing.
The truth is, how our world views children, pregnancy, and childbirth is very different from how God intends us to view it. I don’t claim to know what is going on in God’s mind, but I know He views children as a gift and most in today’s world view them as a burden. God is full of compassion and love and our selfishly motivated opinions grieve His heart. It is as if we are throwing away the greatest gift and opportunity for the blessing He has given us. The more we allow our heart attitudes and decisions to be influenced by the world, the farther we grow away from the heart of God.
Pregnancy is NOT an Ailment & Childbirth is NOT a Curse
Truth: Our attitude towards having children is most often influenced by how we view pregnancy and childbirth
Truth: God gave us a blessing when he gave us the privilege of partnering with Him in Bringing Forth Life. It is a gift.
My Belief/Opinion/Conviction: This self-focused thinking has infiltrated the church at large. Satan has deceived us. We need to recognize that we are in a spiritual battle… and that the enemy does not want Christians willing to set aside their desires and intentionally raising children to follow and serve Christ. We are literally birthing the Kingdom of God. And satan tempts us with our love for ourselves.
Children are NOT a Burden, they are a Blessing
Every true believer knows this at heart. I don’t even really need to list all the ways and truths behind this statement. But as I have shared above, deception is sometimes subtle. And as we eagerly receive the gift of one or maybe two children our true belief or conviction is revealed in our judgementalism of others who have accepted and been given many. And honestly, sometimes it’s pretty ugly, isn’t it?
In the next week, I am excited to expand upon each of these points. And have created a few videos to truly attack this. Please come back tomorrow as I will be posting the first video on Childbirth and the Curse. And please be praying for me. I spent about eight hours video recording yesterday and four hours editing to get this out to you… and I am still not super satisfied. I feel as though I am William Wilburforce. This is such a deeply passionate issue for me. I feel I have allowed this “bad taste” in my mouth too long and so sometimes my passion comes out too fiery. But I have been meditating in the Word of God a ton this week and have finally felt a new revival of peace within my soul for sharing on this topic.
“It seems to me that when you have a bad taste in your mouth, you don’t keep swallowing it; but rather spit it out.” The Movie and Biography of William Wilburforce, Amazing Grace
I have realized, and from much encouragement from you, the readers, that God has placed this on my heart to share… for a reason and to not withhold it… or I shall become bitter. Not to share these thoughts with you, I feel, would be an act of disobedience on my part. So thank you for your patience, love, and encouragement sisters! I truly appreciate you.
Your Sister in Grace,
Angie Tolpin
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Angie is the author of Redeeming Childbirth, the book, and guide. Which you can purchase here!
