Warning: Don’t Judge One Another for Education Choices or Childbirth Choices

What on earth does home schooling have to do with childbirth?

Not much… accept that when we are pregnant we have an opportunity to teach our children about how God designed women and men, how He created them and their new sibling uniquely, and begin developing open communication on topics that relate to sexuality. We should be the ones teaching our children about this intimate topic of childbirth, adapting our message to teach them at their unique maturity and development level. For a whole blog series on this topic go here.

Individual Posts on Teaching Your Children about Pregnancy & Childbirth:
~What Do Your Children Think About Childbirth
~What Legacy are You Leaving?
~ God’s Motherhood Bootcamp
We also have a free pdf of Leaving a Legacy {extension from the book}!

What else does “Redeeming Childbirth” and home education have in common? Besides the fact that both topics are extremely controversial in the church today… nothing. But I am talking about it here because, it is part of my personal story which I shared more of on Christian Devotions Speak Up last week.

Below is a link to listen to that interview. You have to fast forward about ten minutes to get to the hour-long interview. 

This is my post interview thoughts on home education, in case you were wondering our “stance.” Again… trying to keep it all in balance, but submitted to God.

This past week I was so blessed to be invited as a guest on Christian Devotions Speak Up with Scott McCausey.  In our hour-long interview Scott, asked me different questions than any of the other interviews I had done before. Honestly, after having been on sabbatical for 8 weeks, this interview was my first time talking about Redeeming Childbirth in a while so I was a little “rusty.” I was also not used to people asking me about my childhood or my opinion. I don’t spend too much time looking back, I am much more of a visionary at my core, so this past was a little difficult for me. I hope I don’t bore you. My childhood wasn’t anything fascinating. Fortunately, not much time was spent talking about that. I tend to want to talk mostly about God’s word, what He teaches and how that applies to life today as women, the body of Christ and specifically to you all in your childbearing season. But if you are interested in “reading my heart” and what has been going on the past 8 weeks I have been on sabbatical you can read that here: Thoughts After My 8 Week Sabbatical.

By the end of the interview, I thought back on much of what we talked about and wished that I had more time to explain some of what I meant. For example, when we were talking home education… and I mentioned that home schooling wasn’t for every family, but that I simply believe each family needs to consider all options prayerfully, and not making decisions selfishly. I should have expanded on my real thoughts regarding this, but knew we didn’t have that much time to get into it… and I hope to in some blog posts on my other website at AngieTolpin.com. So here is the interview… I hope it encourages you! And I want to invite you to engage these next couple weeks as I will talking on a few of these topics more deeply and offering free pdfs and access to some of my power points that I use in talks.

The truth is, I have not outrightly promoted that we are a home schooling family simply because I didn’t want to be stereotyped or judged. I omitted that we home school from my bio on the book and on the website because I didn’t want our families education choices, which are personal to our family vision and what we feel God is calling us to, to discourage any one from reading Redeeming Childbirth. However, home schooling is a part of our story, so there are a few special notes to home school moms in the book as well.

I don’t believe home schooling is right for every family. We are very thankful for the past eight years that we have been blessed to live on property, but honestly, sometimes I want to move. I’m a city girl living on a farm and there are plenty of times I don’t enjoy the work that comes along with living on land. Those times I don’t want to help my kids clean out the chicken coop and I would much rather be sitting on a porch drinking a glass of lemonade, BUT I know that there is so much good I am gaining and my children are gaining from learning the disciplines of caring for animals… diligently. It’s just part of our story. So as I am sharing about our story in this interview, I hope you don’t take from it that we believe it is for everyone. Because we don’t. It’s just simply… part of my story.

So, yes, I am an advocate for home schoolers. Not because I think everyone should home school, because I don’t. But because I know first hand how difficult it is to home school; especially when many in our society don’t support it. And I believe they need support to keep on keepin’ on when the world tells them it’s too much work, or when the world tells them they are not “qualified” or that their kids are missing out on things. My heart goes out to home schoolers who feel discouraged. For our family, home schooling is a catalyst towards the vision my husband and I feel called to for our family. The way I love to encourage home school parents is to encourage them how to evaluate, visioneer together, and to write out objectives towards accomplishing the family or generational mission they feel God has called them too.

And can I just say, that just because someone home schools, it doesn’t mean they judge others for not.

And same goes for those who put their children in school. Yes, there are those who are judgemental. And maybe even more than not in some areas/communities. But we need to assume the best of our brothers and sisters, and assume they are simply making a decision for their family… and that is it.

Also, just because someone has a strong conviction in their decision for their family, that doesn’t mean they judge you for your decision. It just means they have a strong conviction or belief that they are supposed to be doing what they are doing. And shouldn’t they? Whether you put your children in a school full time, or part time, or educate at home, you should have a conviction about what you are doing for your children, because your decision should have come by seeking God’s agenda and will for your family… with a willingness for obedience in whatever He calls you to. Your conviction doesn’t need to come across as arrogant, but you should have confidence in your decision WHATEVER IT IS! And the same goes for your childbirth choices.

You can have conviction and belief in what you are doing, whatever you are doing… and still choose not to judge. Also, it isn’t your fault if others are self conscious around you because of your choices, about education or childbirth. You need to do what you do, because you have sought the Lord’s guidance and made your decisions based upon the convictions he burdens and blesses your heart with. He needs to lead us all to whatever decisions we are to make for our families. It is our responsibility to believe in a big enough God, to believe He has different paths and courses for everyone.

Live your convictions, but don’t push them on everyone. If you are invited to speak on your convictions or choices, do it with grace.

When we started home schooling 9 years ago, Kelsey was in preschool and everyone I knew was putting their little four-year olds in school. We tried it. And while the school and the teachers were amazing, God put a restlessness in my soul for something else. I simply missed her. And while so many others would say, oh that’s normal, you’ll both get over and get used to it. I inherently didn’t want to. There was a special wisdom deep within my heart, my gut, my soul and in my mind that spoke… listen to your mothering intuition, it is there for a reason.

Now, I am going to share more about “why” we home school in other posts on my other website because this is a website with a different mission, but I wanted to talk about this with you because it came up in this past weeks interview.

I have never believed we would ever home school. It was not in our “plan.” And honestly, once we started, I had doubts and tried other schools for short seasons. Then by the time my oldest was going into 2nd grade we had decided to get very intentional about home education. I researched like crazy, felt alone, had my doubts, and for crying out loud… never even really wanted to do the “teaching” part of education. I never in my wildest dreams would have ever guessed we would have six children and be homeschooling through Jr. High {my eldest is now thirteen}. Every year we prayerfully consider what the Lord would call us to FOR EACH CHILD. They are all so unique and honestly, have different needs, dreams, desires, gifts and talents. And I know I am not equipped to be everything to them all. But, God has been more than enough to provide all they need. Sometimes, not through me even, but through other like-minded Christ followers who I have hired to teach what I cannot.

I do truly believe home schooling is a way of life… not just an education choice. And Just because you home school does not mean your kids are going to be saved. Jesus is our only Savior. And just because a family home schools it doesn’t mean they are like-minded. I have met families that do truly give home schooling a poisonous reputation. And honestly, my goal as a parent isn’t for my children just to be saved. I want so many things for my children, just like you do. I want them above all things to not just “believe” in God, but to be so love with Christ, they can’t help but want to serve Him with the gifts He has given them. Schooling is teaching and we all do that in our homes. So in my mind we all home school as long as we are teaching within our homes. Some simply choose to teach all subjects, at home, integrated with the rest of life. Others delegate some of the teaching outside their home to others. For our family, and it isn’t this way for all home schooling families either, we integrate “education” into every aspect of our lives… we teach all day, every day, because we are learning everyday, through out our days. I like to explain as Living the Love of Learning.